The First Big Loss....of a Friend.

There is a person who I felt like knew everything was the closest part to God as I could get, without being next to him. This person exampled everything God would portray in a person. I now know... it was a human but I guess at the time I could not understand how such a God fearing person could make such a judgement based on non facts. This person was my best friend I had ever had. The one I could be completely honest with.. whether it was good or bad and at that time never felt judged. That was through the years of 2008-2018. Yes. a long time to be a friend. I can remember when the separation began with my husband, staying with my oldest. There was some sort of altercation between them and for some reason she targeted me, because I had asked her to leave (my daughter's friend). She got systems involved which were totally untrue. But it ruined a friendship, that I did hold dearly. A couple years later, I did try to reach back out to tell my side of the story but was met with words such as "you must be feeling guilty", "this was your fault"... etc. so that was the end of that. I will say that devistated me. I never expected to be met with this kind of animosity from someone I had trusted and loved for so long. That was when I started separating myself from the church. Because I thought that was the church. Now I now that isn't the truth.. but at that time... The most repspected person I knew showed me how people saw me. "If We are the Body" by Casting Crowns song.. explains all of my feelings.

Life after Divorce.....in no specific order...

Divorce is a double edged sword. It can be terrible, needed... or vengeful. I think it was needed. Some things about the divorce seemed vengeful but in the end, I do still believe we cared about eachother even though it couldn't work out. We did have great, beautiful and kind kids together and there is nothing I can trade for that. I guess I don't really know where to start. I want to give some explaination to my children. But it is difficult to make since of. I guess the simplest way to put it without airing out dirty laundry.. is we grew apart. I feel we always cared about eachother, but in a different way throughout the years. So that brings me to 2018... it was a difficult time. I felt insecure and decided to step away from actively doing real estate and get a job at Waffle House. I always thought that would be a fun job.. a job where people accepted you and a kind place to go to each day. It was... but it was more difficult than I had ever imagined. There was a huge handbook.. with all the rules, all the things you shouldn't say and all these codes to holler out orders... I was terrible at this. They recommended me to have more training after several weeks.. so I was so embarrassed, I Quit. With uniform in tow... I was down to $20 in my bank account and had been offered a place that was for sale to stay temporarilly... A few collegues from real estate donated furniture. I had a loveseat, a recliner... and after a few months a bed and bean bag chair. I literally bought 7 weight watcher meals per week and that was my dinner every night for just a little while. One day when my youngest was staying with me, we decided to make a commercial and offer an open house to to the house we were staying in... I guess I wasn't thinking straight because that house sold right out from under me.. but it gave me some funds and we moved to a nicer place with more room, where more of the children could stay. I can remember my daughter's boyfriend rallying up his friends and moving the little things we had in a pickup truck with the christmas tree fully standing and decorated and placing those things in the new house. It felt like home.

An even longer While...

As I look back over the years... things got harder, not simpler... not especially better but life did happen. Quick recap.. after 27 years I found myself divorced.. struggling and trying to make since of everything that had become. We will leave that at that... because that is not the end. I guess 2018 was at the time the hardest time for most of us. That is when we split and it did split up our family. Sometimes I think about things that could have been different. What could I have done different, why couldn't I let some stuff go? Why did I give up? But I did. I had my reasons.. but that is in the past. The past is not relevant if we can't acknowledge it. So I do. Some things unfair happened, but maybe that is what needed to happen, so I am taking my responsiblilty for my part in the parts I could have changed.. I could have been better, handled things differently... But, that is the thing about time... you can't go back, or change it. So we have to move on.

Still Here

Wow! It has been a long time since my last post. I really don't know where to begin. The kids are doing great... well as good as can be expected :) Emma is almost 15 in a couple of months (that is crazy to believe), but at least I will have a driver granted she is able to drive good... Isaiah is 13 and playing baseball, and basketball really well I might add, Gracie is 10 now and very smart.. had all A's on her report card and can play a mean game of basketball so mean the other girls are scared... Ella is 7 and is also playing basketball and in love with our new puppy Martha Ann, Tessa is 6 and cheerleading and still the boss of the house, well except for Cameron who is now 2 and does a pretty good job of keeping everyone in line and in order to his belief system. Craig and I are still working at the church and loving most minutes of it. Ministry is sometimes tough, but there is no where I would rather be. God has truly blessed our family with our kids and even though times get tough we are so glad to have eachother and the wonderful friends God has placed in our life. I look back on the past few years and wonder how we have made it through some of the hard times we have endured and then I see the results from some of the hard things and see that God had a plan all along, I was just not understanding it at the time. I still miss my Mom & grandmother like crazy, but it is easier with the friends I have in my life. I do wish they were here though.... Anyway, here is an updated pic of us...

It's the most Wonderful time of the year!

Wow! This life is so crazy, but exactly what I've always wanted. The kids are in full blown crazy acting season, with Christmas quickly approaching. They are wrapping up stuffed animals, and dressing up like Christmas trees for fun! We are not going to know the real presents from the fake ones. But, it's fun! Yesterday we went to Atlanta and hung out for the day... We went ice skating and rode the horse and buggy around town. It was funny because the buggy driver was trying to talk us into riding and we didn't have enough cash so he drove us to the ATM in the horse and buggy. Not sure how, but all 8 of us fit on a 2 seat buggy... and it worked and was tons of fun! Cameron is doing great, and fits right in with all of us crazies:) Except for the squealing every time he enters the car, he is perfect!
Today we decorated the Christmas tree and the ornaments get on very fast with 8 of us decorating... well, Cameron was taking some off but they got on in less than 30 minutes.... So here are some pics of our recent adventures...

Back by Poplular demand..

well... maybe not so popular but a few people have been asking why I don't ever update this thing, so I will.
Life is absolutely CRAZY! But, in a good way. The kids are doing great! We all seem to be runnning in a million different directions a millions times per day, but that's life. Tessa is still dancing and wearing her crazy outfits to school, Ella is still trying to adopt every pet in the neighborhood, Gracie and Isaiah have took up wrestling 2 times per week (ahhhh....), Emma is becoming a teenager with all the "perks" of not really liking her parents and in the band playing the saxophone, Cameron is doing great, he is walking and running everywhere, climbing the stairs, and barks every time he sees his Dad and that is hilarious. I guess he thinks his Dad is a dog:)
Time is just passing by so fast. The week begins and seems to end all in the same day. It's funny how with age, time goes faster, things matter less or more, and you seem to appreciate every minute like it is your last. Well, most of the time.
When I was little all I wanted to be when I grew up was a Mom with a lot of kids. Well, I got that, plus a job I love, plus some really great friends who I never would have imagined I would run into along the way. Don't get me wrong things are not always peachy, well most of the time they are not. There seems to be a lot of drama in my life these days and a lot less sleep than I would like to have. I can't remember the last time I slept past 6:30 in the morning... But, all in all I got my wish plus some. This blog is starting to sound a little reflective I think... better stop now.
So, Halloween is Saturday and we are still in the works of costumes. So far.. Cameron is going to be a spider, Tessa is going to be a princess of course, Ella is undecided,Gracie is talking about being Dorothy, Isaiah says he is going to be a wrestler, and I'm not sure if Emma is dressing up yet... Should be interesting.
Hopefully, I will post some pictures of the little darlings in their costumes.. that is if I ever get time to sync the camera to the pc... Hmmm.. wonder if I can get Craig to dress up like Edward Cullen?

Life as we know it...

Well, since our Summer has ended it ended with a bang! We got a new addition to our family about 5 weeks ago. We now have temporary custody of my 9 month old nephew which has definitely been interesting. The kids absolutely love him as do we. It is definitely new though packing up a diaper bag, changing diapers, and getting up all hours of the night. I wouldn't change a thing though we love having him.
The kids started school last week and are doing great. Tessa is in Kindergarten, Ella is in 1st grade, Gracie in 3rd, Isaiah in 6th and Emma is in 8th grade! I just can't believe they are getting so big! The 3 little girls ride the bus and Tessa packs the barbie jeep up every morning with backpacks and rides down to the bus stop and the other girls ride their bikes. Tessa's jeep has a radio so she turns it up loud and jams down the road, it is just hilarious. The hardest part right now is bed time, because they are not wanting to go to be at 8:00 and they need to since they are so hard to get up at 6:30 in the mornings.
Anyway, life is going good. I am definitely feeling older than my age this year, but I think we will survive!

We are HOME!

We made it home! We had a nice trip home, all flights were on time and I was able to sleep most of the way.... Other than getting up at 3AM, I feel pretty recovered. We had a great time in Canada, but there is no place like home. Yesterday we went to Banf and the rocky mountains were beautiful!
I decided to check in on the kids as soon as we landed in Texas and Gracie was being taken to the Dr., she appears to have chicken pox only they are not... so who knows? Anyway, as soon as we got home Craig took off to Nashville to go get them, so they should be home sometime tonight.

Things I have learned while I was gone...
I love my friends
I have the best friends anyone could ask for
My friends will do anything for me
Even though they live in Nashville, I have amazing cousins who will watch my kids for as long as I need.
Shannon and Matt are going to be the best parents ever!! (Tessa had a blast staying with them)
Bob & Gwen take amazing care of Ella anytime I need them, and she still doesn't want to come home....
I am very lucky to have great kids
I really would like just one more baby....
Craig and I can still have fun together and we did!
Group trips are FUN!!
God is so Good, and always with me and if I will listen will teach me something every day....

Snow Day!!

Wow! We woke up this morning and it was snowing hard!! Ofcourse, the downside was they had to cancel the festival and we got to take it all down in the freezing weather. We had a good day though, and got to spend some good times with some new friends. I talked to some of the kids today, and everyone is having a great time and no one really misses us all that much... I guess that's a good thing??!! At any rate, all is well on the homefront and even with all of schedule changes, cancellations and crazy weather this trip has been good and I'm reminded more every day of how God is in control and I am not...

37 degrees?

Wow today was unbelievable here in Canada!! I think the high got up to about 37 degrees and poured down rain all day long. We did set up for the festival today, but it was less than uncomfortable. Once we had worked for a little this morning, we decided we should go to the second hand store to try and find clothes... since we all mostly brought shorts and t-shirts. We succeeded in finding some warm attire and I came back with a nice warm leopard head wrap which did great for my ears today. The rest of me... well was cold.
It really did amaze me at the people that came out today in the rain with babies and small children in tow.
Wow, I am so tired and my bones are aching from being frozen. All in all I think I was a pretty good sport and didn't complain too much about the weather. The people here really are great and I am enjoying meeting new people and making new friendships. I am hoping tomorrow will be sunny and a little warmer, but the forecast is calling for more rain and colder weather....

Here are some pictures from our nice SUNNY day yesterday...